A Letter to my pets!

[Metz]

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw
print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help in your quest
to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time --
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on
our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why it's called "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted
son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because: - they don't ask for money
all the time - they are easier to train - they usually come when called -
they don't hang out with drug-using friends - they don't need a
gazillion dollars for a college education, and - if they get pregnant, you
can sell the children.

[dort]

All sooo true! 

[BEAU]

I love it! Especially the part about the king sized bed!
If you guys didn't think we were crazy before.... you will know it when I tell you that Ziggy (aka Mr Poop) does sleep in bed with us.... along with Mr Kai of course. But with Ziggy, it's like a race to get to bed. When I get ready to go to bed, I turn the light off in the living room, which is Ziggy's clue that I am going to bed. Then he runs to the bed and has to get up in the middle of it and stretch out. If I can make it there first, I can have my side of the bed without a fight, if not.... Well, I have to shove his mastiff butt over to the center of the bed... or better yet... to Sav's side! lol
Then when Sav gets into bed, Ziggy is in the middle, or in the middle at the foot of the bed. Quite often there are shouts of "Poop, move" LOL

[patty]

I love it! Especially the part about the king sized bed!
If you guys didn't think we were crazy before.... you will know it when I tell you that Ziggy (aka Mr Poop) does sleep in bed with us.... along with Mr Kai of course. But with Ziggy, it's like a race to get to bed. When I get ready to go to bed, I turn the light off in the living room, which is Ziggy's clue that I am going to bed. Then he runs to the bed and has to get up in the middle of it and stretch out. If I can make it there first, I can have my side of the bed without a fight, if not.... Well, I have to shove his mastiff butt over to the center of the bed... or better yet... to Sav's side! lol
Then when Sav gets into bed, Ziggy is in the middle, or in the middle at the foot of the bed. Quite often there are shouts of "Poop, move" LOL

ROTFLMAO at your bedtime routine visual. what if sav is  and wants to .......  well you know  ...then where is poop??

[Savage]

Poop has good instinct...he knows when it's time to sleep on the floor.
Ussually...he doesn't stay on the bed all night anyways. 

[BEAU]

Most of the time Mr Poop is pretty good, he gets down off the bed eventually anyways. You don't want to be doing anything and have the poop get up and stand over ya! lol

[Louisa]

Just seen this! Each one made me laugh, I can relate to.   Especially that canine and feline attendance is not mandatory to use the bathroom - or shower!  It never fails I tell her lay down, I jump into the shower and I hear the door push open.  It's (sometimes! lol) cute how they always have to be near, even if they really have no idea what in the world you are doing or why you are doing it.  They must think we are nuts, but have fun all the while just being near!